What’s For Dinner? And Other Frequently Asked Questions
By Sarah Hauser
@sarah.j.hauser
Kids, do you need help? Do you need to ask Mom a question?
Before reaching out to your mom directly, see if your question is answered here. If your question isn’t answered here, please check if there is someone else in your home who can answer your question just as easily. A grandparent? Dad? An older sibling? Studies show at least 85% of questions asked to Mom can also be directed towards other capable adults or older siblings in the home.*
If you still have further questions, information on how to reach your mom is at the bottom of this page.
Here you can find answers to some of the most common questions you may have.
1. What’s for dinner?
This question can have multiple answers depending on the situation.
If it’s the start of the school year or early January, your mom may be feeling all kinds of motivated. Therefore, there’s likely already something prepped in the slow cooker or written down on the floral notepad labeled Meal Plan stuck to the refrigerator door. Check the slow cooker or refer to the list before asking your mother. If you still can’t find your answer, feel free to ask her with kindness and respect. When she answers, even if you don’t like the answer, accepted responses are:
That sounds really good!
Is there anything I can do to help?
Thanks for feeding us, Mom.
If, however, it is right before Thanksgiving or Christmas, she has likely thought through all the holiday plans, but she has no idea what to make on an ordinary Tuesday night. Honestly, I wouldn’t even bother to ask, because she’s thinking about eight million other meals and cannot carry the mental load of one more thing. If you are of age, feel free to offer to make dinner, help yourself to cereal, or stay hungry until breakfast tomorrow.
If it is Maycember, mid-July, or anytime during a long school break, she stopped caring about nutrition and just wants you to fend for herself. There are chips in the pantry and cheese sticks in the refrigerator. Bonus points if you eat a vegetable.
2. Can I have a snack?
Again, please consider the time of year, your mother’s stress level, and if you can figure out the answer on your own. For example, is it a typical snack time? Then yes, you likely may have a snack, but if it is a time of year where your mother seems particularly motivated to keep the family healthy, choose fruit or veggies. Despite what Frito-Lay marketing may be telling you, produce (a.k.a. plants) is always an acceptable snack choice. Yogurt, cheese sticks, or healthy-ish crackers may also be acceptable.
If it’s a chaotic time of year, Veggie Straws are about the level of nutrition she has the bandwidth to enforce.
3. Can I have a treat?
Refer to above guidelines. Also note that if it’s right before dinner, then the answer is no. If it’s the end of the summer, there’s a good chance you’ll get away with eating an entire box of popsicles without her noticing. But be prepared for the health pendulum to swing the opposite direction once school starts.
4. Do I have to eat that?
If you have an allergy, serious aversion, or other health-related diagnosis, please reword your question to be as kind, respectful, and gracious as possible.
If you don’t experience one of the aforementioned conditions, and if you are of age to be able to vocalize this question to your parent, then yes. Yes, you have to eat it.
5. Can I play video games/watch TV/use the iPad/etc.?
Has Mom already set screen time rules? For example, has she vocalized, written, or otherwise communicated a “No screen time on weekdays” rule? Then if it’s a weekday, please refrain from asking this question. Same goes for other family screen time rules like, “Screen time is at three o’clock.” If it’s not yet three, don’t ask. If you have already used up your allotted screen time minutes, then again, the answer is no. Asking over and over will only exasperate your mother and backfire on you in the long run. She is not opposed to cancelling streaming services or donating devices.
If you want to increase the likelihood of an affirmative answer, consider questions like, “Can (insert siblings name) play video games together?” or “Would it be okay if (insert very young sibling’s name here) and I watched (insert movie appropriate for young sibling) together?” Not all screen time is created equal, so she is more likely to answer yes to screens enjoyed together. (Please note, this tactic will not work if you end up fighting with that sibling over what to watch or what video game to play.)
6. Can I get an iPhone?
Google “Jonathan Haidt” to find your answer via podcast episodes, books, and other interviews. If you’re not old enough to do this research, the answer is most certainly, “No.”
7. Can you open this?
Take a quick glance to see if she’s in the middle of another task. Wait for her to be done before asking, or reword and say, “Hi Mom, when have a second, can you open this for me?” or something similar.
8. Can you sign this?
See question seven. Also, if what she needs to sign includes a lot of fine print, please summarize because you know she doesn't have time to read all that.
9. Can you bring three dozen cupcakes in for my class, oh and also it’s pajama day combined with “be your favorite character from a book day,” so are my pajamas clean and who’s my favorite book character?
If you are asking this question with less than 72 hours advance notice, the answer is simply, “No.”
If you ask with 72+ hours notice, the cupcake answer is yes, the pajama answer is, “Make sure your dirty clothes are in the laundry room so I can wash them.” Or, if you’re a little older, the answer will be, “Wash them yourself.” And your favorite book character is whichever character you already have clothes that work for. Lion mask from Halloween or your school’s Lion King Musical? You’re Aslan. Green overalls? You’re Corduroy the Bear. Round glasses, a tie, and your brother’s black graduation robes from last year? Hello, Harry Potter.
In sum: Mom’s not buying anything, so raid your closet and figure it out. Also if this is not a graded assignment, feel free to skip.
10. Mom? Mom? Mommmmmm???????
Please refrain from asking this question. If she doesn’t respond the first time you call, she either can’t hear you, is unavailable, or simply doesn’t have the bandwidth to answer another question at the moment.
11. Do you love me?
Well, okay, I know you didn’t actually ask this question. Truth be told, we both know you don’t need to ask it. In fact, this is one of the least asked questions according to our studies**, because you know, deep down, there is not a bit of uncertainty in your mind about her answer.
After all, she whispers, “I love you,” every night when she pulls the blankets up to your chin. You wouldn’t remember, but she’s been whispering that to you since the day she first held you. I know she gets frustrated about all the questions sometimes, but she is simply trying to do what’s best for the family.
You might want to know, too, that she regularly second-guesses her decisions and rules. She knows she fails. That reality keeps her up at night. It’s something she cries about with her friends, because she never feels like she’s doing enough. So go easy on her some days, if you can, okay? Your mom isn’t perfect. But she loves you so dang much. Hopefully as you get older, you’ll see that truth a little more clearly.
And when she’s no longer around, well, then you’ll really see it. Because what you’ll remember about your childhood isn’t the fact that she didn’t let you have as much ice cream as you wanted or play one more round of video games. You’ll remember how she cared for you when you had the flu and how she made the best Autumn Chowder. You’ll be far more aware of how much time, energy, and money she sacrificed to get you to basketball camp or plan your birthday parties or host your high school friends for pasta dinners.
Years, decades from now, when you look back at it all, you’ll have no doubt she loved you. Imperfectly, to be sure. But goodness, gracious, did she love you.
But I know, deep down, you didn’t even need to ask that question.
If You Need More Information:
If your question isn’t answered above, you can likely reach your mom in the following locations:
In the bathroom: She’s probably either in the shower or possibly sitting on the toilet—although she may be just scrolling while sitting on top of the toilet seat, not actually using said toilet. Please resist the urge to keep banging on the locked door. Also try to avoid sticking your fingers underneath the door to get her attention. She just wants to pee—or scroll—in peace.
If she’s not in the bathroom, she might still be in the car after that last errand you all ran. The car is quiet, after all, and she opted to just not get out. Maybe instead of asking her a question, offer to carry the groceries in from the trunk first. If you do that, she’ll be more likely to say yes when she hears your question.
If you still can’t find her or simply don’t have an answer to your question yet, be patient. She is probably still busy doing another task for the family, prepping for the next meal you’ll need, working on a project to help pay the mortgage, or sitting on hold with the insurance company (yet again) because they won’t pay enough for that last doctor’s visit.
You’re not doing anything wrong by asking questions or needing yet another snack since you’re growing so stinkin’ fast. Mom’s just tired. She just wants a moment where her brain can have a thought without getting interrupted. Or she needs her nervous system to calm down from all the noise. Figure it out on your own if you can (as long as “figuring it out on your own" is safe and minimally messy), and if you can’t, just hang on to your unanswered questions or ask the other adult in the house that you may or may not have walked past about eighty-five times in search of your mother.
*Some studies put that number closer to 95%. Also this statistic is completely made up.
**Again, made up.
Sarah J. Hauser is a writer and speaker living in the Chicago suburbs with her husband, four kids, and loud rescue dog. She loves to cook but rarely follows a recipe exactly, and you can almost always find her with a cup of coffee in hand. She is also the author of All Who Are Weary: Finding True Rest by Letting Go of the Burdens You Were Never Meant to Carry (Moody, 2023). Find more writing and recipes to nourish your soul at sarahjhauser.com.
Photo by Jennifer Floyd.